Learning To Love Yourself

As a 27 year old woman of the world, I am a big lover of social media. Instagram is by far my most used however Facebook is a close second.

Like most, I follow the lives of celebrities, fitness trainers, food/diet pages and social media influencers and at times it can be fairly overwhelming. I mean how is little ole me from a small seaside Town supposed to "Keep Up" or compare to the likes of the Kardashian/Jenner's???

From about 16 I have always had body confidence issues. I've been the "chubby kid", I've been "too skinny" and I've been everything else in between!

I am not afraid to admit that I have struggled enormously with Anxiety over the last 3/4 years. 

For a long time I tried my hardest to get by on my own without opening up to anyone about how I was feeling. I was so scared of what people would think that I became a complete closed book. I would shut people out and push those closest to me away. On the inside I was crying out for someone to reach out to me but on the outside I was getting better at putting on a brave face and portraying the images/best bits of my life I wanted people to see.

I hit rock bottom....And I'm not ashamed to say that after many Doctor's appointments, I was referred to the Mental Health charity 'WellBeing' to get the support I needed.

My Mental Health always used to go hand in hand with my weight and body issues...The more I struggled with day-to-day life, the more I saw my weight plummet on the scales and the happier it made me (or so I thought!) yet the more I found myself in control of my Stress Levels and Anxiety the more I would see the scales creep up again and the more self conscious I became. It was like a vicious cycle I could never seem to break! 😖

To say the changes to my body throughout my pregnancy has been tough is an understatement. I've had my down days where I'd cry into my pillow after catching a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror but with the love and support of my Other Half I'm also learning to ignore the numbers on the scales, ignore the new chins I have inherited (😭😂😭😂✌🏻) and look at the bigger picture....

I AM CARRYING A TINY HUMAN!!!!!
OUR OWN MINI HUMAN!!!!!

To me, being pregnant has been a blessing in more ways than I could have ever imagined. Not only am I carrying the best thing to ever happen to us but she is also allowing me to love myself all over again and see the world at a different angle 💗

I am under no illusion that after giving birth I will experience further body changes. I am not expecting to "snap back" to my pre-pregnancy body a few weeks after giving birth (like the celebrities you see on social media) however I don't think I want to....

Pre-pregnancy Hannah - I was an unhappy, self conscious bag of bones whose life was controlled by what people thought of me, how skinny I looked in the mirror and someone who would have a mini breakdown at the thought of buying clothes above a size 6 or 8! 

38 Weeks Pregnant Hannah - Of course I still have my moments however I'm trying my hardest to enjoy this journey the best I can and laugh in the face of anyone who dares comment on my weight. So what if I've gained 3 stone, 5 chins and some seriously chubby thighs?! 😂 I'm experiencing something extremely special and life changing!

And for that reason....

NO I will NOT let this affect my pregnancy journey!!!
NO I will NOT stress over my body changes!!!
NO I will NOT think less of myself!!!

YES I WILL have a second helping of Dinner!!! 
YES I would LOVE that piece of triple Chocolate Fudge Cake!!!
YES I AM going to order a Takeaway even though I probably shouldn't!!!

🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

Of course over indulging on junk food is by no means what I'm telling you all to do however the occasional naughty treat never hurt anyone and if you can't do that when you're heavily pregnant when the hell can you?!?! ✌🏻✌🏼✌🏽✌🏾

And as for my post pregnancy body? I will just be learning to love my wobbly bits and not stress myself into crazy diets and losing weight fast!!! For I will have far more important things to worry about....👶🏻🍼

P.S
To my future Daughter....
Mummy would like to thank you for changing her life for the better and blessing her with the greatest reason to live life to the full! I am determined to be the best role model to you I can be and to show you that there is more to life than being "skinny" - A kind heart and soul goes so much further than a few "likes" on social media ever will 😘

Hospital Bag Checklist

Hands up who finds packing stressful? 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️

Whether it be packing for a week in the Sun or just a night way, the anxiety I get thinking I am going to forget something goes through the roof! 😣

There are so many websites advising what are essentials for yours and your Little Ones Hospital Bag that it can be extremely overwhelming when the time eventually comes to start packing. 

Everyone you speak to will have their own opinion on when you should aim to prepare your Bags and from my experience anything from 30-36 weeks was the majority, so me being me (and always leaving everything until the last second) I opted to pack my bags at 36 weeks...And if I'm being completely honest that was only due to the fact that we had a night away booked so I didn't really have much choice, just in case I went into early labour! 🙈

I ended up packing 2 bags - 1 for Bump and 1 for myself. That way it should hopefully save a lot of rummaging around!

Oh and don't forget snacks!!! (Yes, my drinks/snacks do have a separate plastic bag for themselves! 😂😂😂) Rory is not allowed to touch my snacks (strictly forbidden!) so he's packing his own. Which will probably consist of Energy Drinks, Salt and Vinegar Sticks and Kinder Chocolate! 🙊

**The time of year will determine what extras you feel necessary to pack**

For Mum;
Birthing Notes (VERY IMPORTANT!!!)
Nightie/T-Shirt (For Labour)
Dressing Gown/Slippers (In case you're in Hospital for a while after Labour)
Breast Pads
Maternity Towels
Going Home Clothes (Something comfy and baggy)
Nursing Bra/Nursing Tops (If you decide to Breastfeed)
Nipple Cream
Knickers (Couple of pairs - You can never have too many!)
Toiletries (Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Shower Gel, Deodorant, Mini Shampoo, Dry Shampoo, Face Flannel)
Towel
Lip Balm (I've been told Gas and Air can dry out your Lips!)
Snacks (Gotta keep up those energy levels!)
Phone charger
Hair Bobbles

**Non-essential but nice to have**
Hot Water Bottle
Ear Plugs (In case you need to stay overnight - Hospitals aren't exactly the quietest of places!)
Your own Pillow/Blanket
Birthing Music Playlist
Makeup (For if you need a slight pick me up before leaving the Hospital)

For Bump;
Nappies (I have opted for Asda's Little Angels range and I packed Size 1)
Nappy Bags
Scratch Mitts
Socks/Booties
Bibs
Hats x2
Sleepsuits x4
Bodysuits x4
Ready Made Bottles (I plan to Breastfeed however if I can't, for whatever reason, I have a pack of ready made SMA Pro Infant Milk Formula Bottles)
Water Wipes
Cotton Wool Pads
Muslins (Pack a few, as Babies have a tendency to be sick quite a lot!)
Jacket/Coat (For leaving the Hospital)
Blanket
Cuddly Toy (Optional - But cute for any Hospital photos taken)
Car Seat (Leave in the car until you and Bump are ready to leave the Hospital)

**This list may also vary if you were booked in for a C-Section**

It may be an idea for your Birthing Partner to also consider packing a few items. Things such as a Toothbrush, change of clothes, Phone/Phone charger and Snacks are some must haves! Use this time to discuss transportation to the Hospital as well - It may sound obvious but you don't want to plan to go by Car and then realise when you go into Labour that you have no Petrol!!! 😬

Hopefully all (or at least a few!) of you Mummy-to-be's will take away even 1 thing from this post! 😘

I would love to hear what you packed in your Hospital Bags, so leave a comment below if you think of anything I have missed off which may be beneficial for any future Mum's/Dad's! 👍🏻

Oh and GOOD LUCK!!!!!! 👶🏻🍼💗💙

My Pregnancy Journey

I remember before falling pregnant myself, I used to see image after image of these Mum-to-be's working out, eating healthy and looking glamorous with their adorably perfectly rounded little bumps..."Wow!" I thought "These ladies look incredible! Being pregnant looks amazing!" 😍

Skip forward a few months and bam! This life was now going to be mine! I couldn't wait for that "glowing" stage they say all pregnant ladies go through, whereby your hair is glossy 💁🏻‍♀️ your nails grow lushous and long 💅🏼 and your skin is as smooooth as your future Bubba's bum....🍑

....Well I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant and I feel cheated! My "glowing" Insta Mum phase never showed up! Instead I was blessed with sickness (oh, lots of sickness!!), breakouts all over my face, thick chaffing thighs and an ever growing chubby face with new chins that seemed to appear overnight! *Cries* 😭😭😭

Please don't get me wrong, I feel extremely blessed to have fallen pregnant in the first place and I would never like to appear ungrateful, however boy has this journey been tougher than I ever expected!

*Let's rewind for a second*

I found out quite early on that I was expecting. I remember sneaking into the toilets at work to take a test after a few weeks of feeling neuseous and my boobs being extremely sore and swollen. It had been a strange few weeks for me, as I was convinced I was pregnant even after just a mere few days! Don't ask me how but I just felt different and knew this wasn't just my normal build up to my next period. Even when I took my first test and it came back Negative I knew it had to be wrong and so when a few more days had passed and still no period I decided to take another.

For anyone who has ever taken a pregnancy test you may agree that 2 minute wait for the result to show up feels like an eternity!

As I paced the floor of the disabled toilets, I realised 2 minutes had past....Do I dare look??? Am I ready to be a Mum??? What about money??? What would my Other Half say??? So many questions ran through my mind however curiousity got the better of me as I worked up the courage to pick up the test.....PREGNANT. 2-3 WEEKS. 

🤰🏻👶🏻🍼

Excitement, fear, joy, worry (and about 100 other emotions) ran through my body. Wow. I'm going to be a Mummy!!!

I sat on the toilet for what seemed like a lifetime, but when looking back could only have been a matter of seconds, before grabbing my phone and calling the Other Half. As the phone rang I wondered how he would take the news that his life would forever change from that day and that nights out with the lads would soon become a distant memory however after blurting out my news like word vomit he was elated! We were going to be Parents!

Once the call ended and the news slowly started to sink in I was left sat infront of my computer screen at work googling what the hell I was supposed to do next 🖥️ Apart from my Sister, who had been pregnant 5 years beforehand, I hadn't been around anyone with a baby or who was pregnant and realised I had zilch knowledge of the next steps! 😬

Fast forward a few weeks and we had our first 8 week appointment. All went well and we were given the start of what would become my Hospital notes and were told we would soon receive a letter in the post to advise the date and time of our 12 week scan (Eeeeekkk!!!)

I had been experiencing extreme nausea from around 5-6 weeks and had started to graze constantly on copious amounts of ginger biscuits and chewy Wham! Bars. The evenings/night times were the worst. I can't even count the amount of nights I'd be up for hours just sat on toilet preparing myself for me and last night's Tea to meet once again.

By 7-8 weeks was when the sickness set in. I refuse to call it morning sickness as this certainly was NOT the case for me! More like all day, all night sickness! I was signed off work and had been bed bound for weeks before our 12 week scan rolled around. In-between this I had even struggled through 2 weddings - One of which was my Best Friends wedding, who I was Bridesmaid for.

* It's amazing what Makeup can do for a girl....*

12 weeks pregnant was when my sickness peaked. We had just been for our first scan and were so excited to have heard our babies heartbeat for the first time and to be shown that she was growing as she should be. 

I remember feeling so ill in the car on the way back from the Hospital and even though I had been sick already that morning I knew something wasn't right. After waving the Other Half off to work I ran inside the house, straight up the stairs and lunged my head into the toilet. Up to 10 times a day I would be reunited with my new favourite room in the house and after days of not being able to keep down even a sip of water, I was admitted to Hospital due to severe dehydration.

This was probably my lowest point of my pregnancy and if it wasn't for such a supportive Boyfriend, Family and Friends I honestly have no idea how I would have got through the weeks and weeks of endless sickness. It sounds dramatic but it was such a lonely place to be at a time which is supposed to be filled with such happiness and excitement.

At this stage, apart from Kate Middleton, I had never known of anyone who had suffered as badly as I was during pregnancy. All of these women I was seeing on social media looked amazing and there was me going days without having a bath as even the slightest movement would set off my sickness for the day.

*Daddy-to-be trying to lighten the mood and rock a sick bowl hat*

(Sorry Rory! 😂😂😂)

Since then I have spoken to so many lovely ladies who had gone through similar experiences as myself. I just wish I had known more about the support which was out there at the time. I honestly hold my hands up to all the women who experience Hyperemesis Gravidarum. Whether you manage to hold down a job and look after other children or if (like me) you find yourself struggling to get out of bed, just know you're all amazing and you can get through this!!!

It was around 19-20 weeks once my sickness had died down and I could finally return to work for full days (I had been lucky enough that when I went back to work at 16 weeks that I could work around my sickness) and boy was it nice to know I could get up out of bed through choice and not through thinking I would projectile vomit all over the bedroom walls if I didn't move at the speed of light to the toilet!

We even found out what we were expecting....💗

Since then I haven't *touch wood* had any further sickness however at 25 weeks pregnant I was signed off work for 2 weeks due to lower back pain of sitting on a chair 24/7. On top of this I had the added stress of also being made redundant from my Full Time job. Not exactly what I needed, especially after everything else I had gone through in this pregnancy, however I knew Bump was my priority and so with the help of my Other Half I began to enjoy the time off I had to prepare for Little Lady's arrival and rest up as much as I could.

I'm now 37 weeks pregnant and patiently waiting for her to come and complete our little Family. But until then you will find me frantically scrubbing floors and washing 100 tonnes of clothes to make sure we're prepared if she does decide to arrive early....Although if she's anything like her Daddy she definitely WON'T be on time!!!

About Me

*Let's start with the introductions*

Hi everyone, my name is Hannah and whether you have stumbled across my blog by pure chance or you've consciously (and maybe more curiously) clicked on my Blog....Welcome! 🥰

For those of you who don't know me I'm a 27 year old first time Mummy who will be trying her best to juggle (and probably more times than not failing to juggle!) a whole new world of nappy changing and sleepless nights alongside being a normal 20 something year old who goes out of the house more than just to put out the bins in her dressing gown on a Friday!

When you don't find me crying, knee-deep in dirty laundry you will find me here expressing my over the top love of my Fur Baby, excessively drinking Malibu (and then torturing myself for the next week afterwards on why I thought it was a brilliant idea to put myself through a week long hangover!) and enjoying days out/weekends away with Family, Friends and the Other Half.

*Meet Nala - My Fur Baby*

*The "Other Half"*

Me creating a blog is in no way me believing I'm the next generation Zoella (vlogger extrodonair) it was just after speaking to so many other Mum's that I realised Pregnancy/Motherhood can be quite a daunting and lonely place at times. So with that in mind I decided to create this Blog as a way for me to interact with other fellow Mum's to share and discuss all things crazy during pregnancy and beyond!

So if you're a New Mum, Single Mum, Yummy Mummy, First Time Mum, Mum to Many, Mum on a Mission, Struggling Mumma or just anyone interested in this mad journey me and the Other Half are about to take please subscribe to my page, share my posts and follow me on my social media pages. I would love nothing more than to hear from you and hear all about your own personal experiences 💗

These future blogs are to remind myself that parenting is HARD WORK and we're not Superwomen! So in the upcoming weeks/months if you see me wearing the same clothes for 3 days straight, covered in baby sick, looking like I've not had a chance to shower and barely able to keep my eyes open or string 2 sentences together, please be kind....This new Mum is probably extremely fragile!

Until next time,
Hannah xxx